There’s a stocky Slovakian who likes to pace past my doorway, each time making prolonged eye contact with me. Sometimes I wave over enthusiastically as if I hadn’t seen him for years and is if I liked him. He pisses in sinks and gorges on scraps from the bins. He steals boxer shorts and breaths through his mouth. I often wonder why he is here, in this place and just in general.

To gain admittance to this enclosed utopia you have to transgress in some shape or form. I like to think that the ‘Slovakian scavenger’ was once a chef in his home country who sought revenge on a brutish underwear merchant who stole his original pants. Instrumental violence has left him in a medium secure unit in England where he can barely understand anyone and has no option but to hang around out side of my fucking room. I can smell him.

I had six steroid injections in to my lower back today so there will be no waving. In fact I’m contemplating shutting that door, it’s just I like to hear whose approaching. I can tell. The monosyllabic Chinese man is light on his feet and also paces. One man sings random Christmas songs, and most importantly the staff/serfs have various keys or alarm devices jangling.

If you lay on a bed all day and have insomnia you soon notice every sound on the ward. Everything runs like clockwork. It’s more like a processing facility. The serving hatch and meds hatch open and certain doors open at certain times, you notice the routines and patterns of everyone. The only random things are the farts emitted and they linger due to no airflow.

If you are familiar with medications, I take Tramadol, the max dose of Pregabalin, a little bit too much Clonazepam, and a smidgen of Olanzapine alongside Zopiclone and Aripriprazol. Some of these are controlled drugs. They make me smile, stagger and bump into things. I think I’m in love with them. I am currently not allowed leave as I complained to the Psychiatrist that when I was recently given Morphine, as well as codeine phosphate, I was signed out for five hours and didn’t really know what had happened in that time. I did call him a privileged slave which may have had something to do with his decision to remove it.

2 thoughts on “intro

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving your interesting comment. I was in a nut house between the ages of 13 and 15. More recently I was in a regular hospital as well as a “rehab” to get back on my feet after serious illness weakened me considerably. See and I’ve started following your blog. So you’re an “offender?” Does that mean you’re in the criminal “justice” system? I see you’re diagnosed with “dissocial PD.” I guess you must be European or English. I’m diagnosed with “antisocial PD” and “not otherwise specified PD.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes English and into my 14th year in this unit but I have been in others. This is medium secure. My soliciter did good and got me off the PD diagnosis recently as I have Schizophrenia too and disocial can’t be diagnosed within a period of psychosis, or something similar to that.

      Moderate psychopathy was mentioned scoring high in factor 1
      I’ve had many labels though.
      have you been scored on the Hare pclr?


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